when I procrastinate, I think too much.

I don't really know whats going on in my life right now. I'm in such a weird mood. I feel like I'm just burned out on life in general right now. I want a change, something different. I want to actually feel like I'm moving forward in my life, which I don't right now. I feel like I'm in the same place I have been for a couple years now. Ive had the same job for the past year and a half or so, and even though I'm a "manager" now it doesn't feel that much different then when I started and I spend a good amount of time being bored. On the bright side, I don't typically dread going to work like I have with my other jobs, so it's at least a job I enjoy more. Kinda.
I think my issue is that I'm looking at life all wrong. I need to realize that life is already going right now, that I'm not guaranteed tomorrow on this earth. I have a job to do while I'm here and I so often forget that I don't have to be a college graduate with a house and a husband to do it. my goals are so different then what they should be. My top goals are to get married, graduate college, decide what I want to do with my life. My goals should be to reach others with the love of Christ, and just let the rest fall into place. I need to remember that when I follow Christ fully, he will work out the path for me. He will take care of all of it. Just goes to show that I waste a lot of time worrying about my future. Really, if i just had a little faith and a little trust I would have nothing to worried about. Whats the worst that can happen to me? I end up homeless on the streets? God can use me there. I die trying to spread the gospel? Awesome! That means I'm in my heavenly home, which is so much better then where I am now.
Why are we so afraid of death? Is it because this is the only life that we are familiar with? Because we aren't really sure exactly what comes next? I mean we have a vague idea, but it's only a very small portion of what it will really be like. So maybe, as Christians, our fear of death is really more a fear of what we don't fully know or understand. It makes sense to me. I'm afraid of the future, because I don't know exactly what I am going to be doing. But when I put things in perspective, it really makes my fears seem petty. What I should be fearing is that I won't reach as many people as possible before I do go home. What I should be afraid of is whether the people I come in contact with are going to Hell or not. Why are we not more consumed with worry and love for the souls of others? Yeah, my soul is saved, and so are the souls of my family, so why should I really worry about anything else? I'm all good right? No. That's such a wrong way to look at things but sometimes I think that's how we do. I want to be more concerned for others. I want to try harder to put others before myself. I am such a selfish being. I may say I want these things, but it's so difficult to actually live them out in my life. I give up easily. I give in easily. I'm ashamed of that fact most honestly. Why can't I push myself to try harder? Why can't I put a little more effort forward? I think it's partly because my priorities are all a mess. I really need to learn some self-discipline.

This is a video we were shown at the conference I just got back from. I thought it was interesting. Also, all of the audio for the sessions from the conference will be online pretty soon at givemeananswer.net.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/70912/june-20-2006/bart-ehrman

L-O-V-E

So I've been thinking a lot about love lately. The greatest commands in the bible are about love, yet we hear them so often that we no longer take them seriously. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and love your neighbor as yourself. the reason loving God comes first, besides the obvious, is because we don't know how to love properly without Him. We love because Christ first loved. There are some people that are so freakin hard to love, but we are still commanded to love them. How impossible does that seem on our own? How hard would that be without Christ's ultimate example of love to look to for guiadance? The reason we hear this command so much is because it is so important! How can we forget what a big difference it makes when you love someone! What an example, what a testimony to your witness when you love the people who are hard to love. The smelly man who obviously hasn't showered in a while. The rude person who waited on you at the store. The arrogant business man that you have to wait on, who treats you like the scum of the earth. How shocked would they be if you loved them? Wouldnt people ask questions more? People would most certainley notice a difference between you and the rest of the world. We as christians, need to rebel against so much of what culture is pushing on us. more to come later.