Life lately...

The past week God has really been preparing me for some big lessons. I didn't see it at the time, but last night it kinda all came together for me.

I was going through a bit of a rough time this past weekend, and through it I found myself seeking God more and learning more from him. I was grateful again for the rough times in my life, because thats when I feel God the most. Then in Tony's sermon Sunday he mentioned something about God teaching us in the good times as well as the bad. It really hit me then how I have been seeking God more in the rough times and that is why I feel closest to Him then. God teaches me just as much through good times, I just have a hard time looking to Him when everything else is going good,

which lead me to another point that Tony made. He said that if we are not in the scriptures and spending time in prayer it is most likely because of self sufficiency. Talk about hitting home.

I have been telling myself for a while now that I'm letting God take over, that I can't do this anymore, and sure I may let go for a couple minutes but the second anything starts to change I immediately try to seize control again. I'm not truly giving everything over to God, but rather I'm letting Him have it until I start to feel worried about it or feel like I know what I'm doing.

I have learned over and over, seen it displayed clearly in my life, that God knows much better for me then I think I know. Why I continually try to regain control when God does so much better with these things in my life, I don't fully understand. I think I need to feel in control sometimes.

Well over the weekend something happened that I was not prepared for and definitely did not have control over. I had been asking God to prepare me for it, had been telling myself that I gave the situation over to Him, but really I haven't. By losing control and seeing plainly that I had, I started to see the things that God had waiting for me that I had been blind to. I should have given up control a long time ago.

I tend to lose sight of God when things are going good. Everything in my life starts to fall into place (or so it seems) and I screw it all up by trying to take control again. Its like asking someone for help you get started with something you are having trouble with but they have experience in, and then as soon as they start it off you say "alright I think I got it from here, thanks a lot" most of the time, that ends with just making things worse then they were in the first place.

God has been trying to tell me so many things lately and all I have done is ignore Him stubbornly saying I can just do it myself. I don't know where I got that idea, as I look back its quiet obvious that anything good in my life has only come through God. If only I could remember all of these life lessons I have learned in the past I wouldnt be blogging about this right now, because I would have remembered learning it before. but I always forget, too quickly. I need to start focusing more.

Another thing I've been thinking about lately is one of the sermons I heard when I was counseling at SBR. The speaker(chuck) was directing his messages at the JR. highers, but they were packed with content, no sugar coating, and very blunt and to the point. I learned so much that week. The title of his first message was "you've got to think"
As soon as I heard that title my attention was on him. I had been feeling lately that the reason I wasn't learning much was because I wasn't allowing myself time to think and process what God was teaching me, what I was reading in the scriptures, hearing in sermons etc.
That wasn't the exact point that Chuck made, but he did touch on it some. He was more directing the message toward the fact that we really need to think about the consequences of our decisions and what we are making them based on. By combining those two points I was able to focus a lot more of my life and decisions on Christ and things started going well again, which is why I once again strayed.

Bottom line is, I need to stop being so self sufficient because I am a human and I am far from perfect and I am going to screw up over and over and over. I need to remember that God knows so much better then me what I need in my life. And lastly, I need to remember to learn in the good times.